Reagan’s Advice on Marriage

Michael Reagan
Manhattan Beach, California
June 1971

Dear Mike:

Enclosed is the item I mentioned (with which goes a torn up IOU). I could stop here but I won’t.

You’ve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the “unhappy marrieds” and cynics. Now, in case no one has suggested it, there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was till three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn’t take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.

Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love,

Dad

P.S. You’ll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.

Normal Day? No, Not Really.

Normal is overplayed. What’s so fun about normal? Absolutely nothing. It is safer, though – that’s for sure.

Yesterday started out being a normal day. Leave for work at 6:05, stop by the gas station to fill up, get to work at 6:45, and started slamming roof at 7:00. The home owner came out and talked to us (Zack, Terry, Joe, Chris, and me – remember those names, ’cause they’re important) for a bit before heading to work. By 7:30, were were making good progress with the roof and were very confident that we could have most, if not all, of the roof wrapped that day.

9:15. Zack was on the ground cutting metal for the roof, and the rest of us were on the roof doing our various jobs when a vent turbine went ballistic – without warning or reason it went from a complete standstill to spinning ultra fast to popping completely off the roof and flying to the ground. Definitely not normal. Chris was closest to where the vent had been, so he walked over to see what might have caused the problem – he was greeted by the smell of smoke, and the sound of a fire alarm.

When Chris said “fire alarm”, Zack looked through the front door of the house. Fire. He didn’t waste a second in ordering us to grab the power tools and get off the roof. He then called the fire department.

I grabbed as much as I could and scurried down. By then, he was off the phone and shouting orders. “Get a hammer or pry bar and break in a window or something! We need to get in there and see if we can’t put out the fire!” I ran to the front door and tried the handle – locked. I back up one step, then kicked as hard as I could. Wood splintered, and the door flew open. Zack charged in with the garden hose, with me right behind him.

But then we saw something that nobody wants to see in a house fire – an open gas line with flames shooting out of it. “Gas! Get out. Nobody in there until we can get that shut off.” We retreated, then worked our way around the house, looking for the gas shut-off. It was in the back of the house. As soon as I closed the line, the gas fire pulled back into the wall, and went out.

Back around front, as soon as the gas was off, Terry, Joe, and Chris were storming into the house with the hose. So far only the couch, stairs, and a closet were on fire, but the smoke was so thick that it was hard to breath and see in the house. We took turns at the hose, each person squirting the fire until he couldn’t stand the smoke anymore.

After 10 minutes or so we had all the flames put out, and the fire trucks rolled up. It was time for us to get out off there way and let them do their thing – our part of the job was done.

Trip to Bastrop, Texas – Driving Down

As many of you know I had the opportunity to travel to Bastrop, Texas with Apostolic Christian World Relief to help rebuild a few houses that were destroyed by local wild-fires. The specific group that I was with was actually the ICC (Illinois Community College)/Bradley University Bible group – my boss is linked to the group through his daughter who is one of the group leaders; they invited me to come along.

My part of the trip started several hours before everybody else’s – I opted to show up 4 hours early to help Fedi (my boss) pick up the snacks and drinks for the ride down. With the food safely stored in the buss, we, along with the rest of Fedi’s family and his daughter’s fiancé’s family, ate supper at the Golden Corral. It was there that I got to meet one of the guys that I would be working on a team with – Dennis Schwind. He’s a rather short guy, really funny, and pretty knowledgeable about general building techniques.

The plan was to leave for Texas at 7:00 PM. At 7:30, everybody was loaded up in the buss and we pulled out onto the open road. As everybody got settled into place, a fellow homeschooler (whome I recognized from the homeschool conferences – though I had never met him) sat down in the seat next to me. It wasn’t too long before we struck up a conversation talking about different things we were interested in, discussing Bible doctrines, and debating politics. This went on until around midnight when I decided to try and get some shut-eye.

I woke up sometime around sunrise to see Oklahoma scenery rolling by – green hills, spreading trees, and lots of horses.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful – until lunch. I, along with three other guys went to a stand-alone BBQ restaurant where we had some of the best brisket and ribs I’d ever tasted!

We finally rolled into the Bastrop Apostolic Christian Church parking lot at 3-ish. We unloaded, then headed inside to get situated with name tags, sleeping arrangements, and crew assignments.

Nightmares

Mom, Chad and I parked the car, then began walking into Walmart. The air was crisp and cool – though not too cool, hinting that Spring was on the way.

We walked through the double sliding doors, and were instantly greeted by… a scary goblin. There was orange and black everywhere! A banner over the second set of doors stated that due to an overstock of Halloween goods, the store would be decorated in a Halloween theme until mid-March.

Already I was freaking out, but I knew that I’d just have to swallow my fear of clowns and goblins, and do what had to be done. But I hadn’t anticipated every single Walmart employee being dressed in a scary costume; and this was the only time they’d ever been so eager to help, too!

As I walked through the men’s clothing section, I tried to avoid eye contact with the blood covered executioner. I started checking out the pants, looking for the size I wear. Over my shoulder I could see the scary man coming toward me. In fact, if my eyes weren’t deceiving me, he was running towards me.

I dropped the stack of pants I had to been looking at, and darted into the aisle. Long legs are definitely a blessing when it comes to out running bloody
“murderers.” However, parkour skills are involved for outrunning multiple bloody “murderers.”

I bounced between displays, around people, and over bins. It seemed like every employee in the whole store was after me! I was quickly getting boxed in. I just needed to get higher – to get someplace where they couldn’t. I started climbing up a shelf, but a hooded man with a scythe grabbed my leg and started pulling. I kicked and hit something wooden. I kicked again… and woke up.

What is it with nightmares? Why do we have them? I really don’t know, and I don’t know why I have the same one over and over again (I’ve never had a different nightmare from the “halloween at Walmart” one). Some times I wonder is it’s something spiritual – it seems like I only ever have that dream before going on missions trip, or something of that nature. Is it just an attempt to break me down; to make me say, “I can’t. I’m too afraid”?

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Because, truly, I can’t. Only Christ can. God help me if I ever say, “I can” – that’s when he gets less glory, and I get it all. If I don’t screw it up in the process, that is.

Ya know – maybe on that note, the nightmare isn’t an attack to get me to feel like I can’t do what I should do, but rather it’s actually a reminder that I can only do it in Christ’s strength! I mean, the dream has absolutely nothing to do with that theme, but it does make me feel fear and run to Christ for consolation. Without Christ – no matter how big or small my fears are, and no matter how week or strong I think I am – nothing of eternal value can be accomplished.

So while I hate clowns and goblins (but especially clowns), I’m thankful for them because they remind me that “I can [only] do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

My Work

Work’s been super slow for a couple weeks. Last week I worked just over ten hours, and so far this week I’ve only worked for about three hours. It’s been a little frustrating not having the work (or the money), so I started looking for a part-time job yesterday. I couldn’t find anything, so on a whim I decided to see what options there were for full-time jobs in Peoria. Bingo! There were several that I’m either qualified for, or will train new employees.

If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s been that it’s unwise to rush into something without lots of prayer and thought. So I decided to go walking on a bike trail near my house and pray/think about whether I should try to get a new job, or keep working for Fedi.

There’s something about beautiful weather and crisp, clean air that aids thought. I felt a calm while I was walking (and running, a little bit), and I realized that what I choose to do for a career isn’t what matters – it’s times when I can enjoy God’s creation, get to know Him better, spend quality time with people, and be a blessing: it’s times like those that matter.

I also decided that I haven’t given the Hungarian Handyman enough time – sure, I’m not making any money right now, but it doesn’t really hurt me too much since I’m living with my folks. Instead of focussing on my problem of not having work, I can find other things to do. My cello has been neglected a bit lately – I can catch up on practice. I started Oakey back into riding training last week – I can continue that.

So, for now, I’m sticking it out. If anything, this is another opportunity to practice patience.

New Years

Here it is – the end of another year; the beginning of another. Lots happened in 2011: I finished High School, started my first full-time job, became a registered Suzuki teacher (though, I don’t have any students yet). It’s always so much fun to sit back and just remember everything that happened. It’s even more fun to look ahead to what might happen next year, though!

That’s just morbid!

“The Hostage” – “Escape” – “Turning Point” – What do these three photos have in common? They all are a bit on the dark, morbid side. Those of my friends who know me well know that I am a man of simple tastes – I like gun powder, bullets, and gasoline. I enjoy a good spar; and the more intense the fight, the better.

But do I enjoy explosions, fighting, and adventure too much? I think that sometimes I let my imagination travel too far into violence and morbidity. After all, the scripture says that the fruit of the Spirit is peace, kindness, and gentleness among other things. Would a picture of a man (even if he were escaping from terrorists) shooting another man portray peace or kindness? I don’t think so.

So this post marks new beginning – a new beginning of Christ honoring pictures. From now on whenever I get my camera out, I’ll ask myself, “will this photo show the fruits of the Spirit?” And if it doesn’t, I’ll leave the idea alone – I won’t turn it into a reality.

Actually, it would be an excellent idea to pattern my whole life after the fruits of the Spirit. After all, those fruits are an outward showing of the fact that the Spirit is in me.

One other thing. Levi Schnog is still wandering in the forest, lost. I have plans of resolving that pic; and the way I’ll do it will symbolize my choice to leave the darkness behind.

Get Your “Will” On

The other day my Boss misquoted the adage, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” – instead saying “Where there’s a way, there’s a will.” I chuckled to myself, but then began thinking; why does there have to be a will present for a person to complete a difficult (maybe seemingly impossible) task?

Over the past week I’ve been working on stripping 6+ layers of paint off of an intricately designed doorframe. I’ve been told by several people that there’s no way I could get every last bit of paint off. I’ve been told to just get as much off as I could, and leave the rest. But my Boss hasn’t told me to stop yet, so I haven’t.

In this case, I know that there’s a way to get all the paint off the doorframe (since Fedi says so), so I’ve decided that I’ll keep stripping paint until it’s all gone. This is a perfect example of “where there’s a way, there’s a will” because if it weren’t for Fedi’s confidence that I can get every last bit of paint off, I wouldn’t have the drive to keep trying. But because I know there’s a way, I have the will to finish.

I Like Painting!

Three weeks ago you wouldn’t have caught me dead, saying that I liked painting (well… I guess if I were dead, I wouldn’t be saying that anyway). But still, I’ve never been very fond of painting. However, after doing it for over 5 weeks straight I’ve begun to enjoy – that’s right – painting.

I started off my painting adventures asking myself a bunch of questions – Do I like this job? No. Should I keep it? I don’t know. Do I really want to do this for several months, years, or my whole life? NO! But, gradually, the answers to those questions (or, most of them, anyway) began to change. I went from not liking my job at all, to kinda liking it. I went from wanting to quit my job, to looking forward to doing better at it the next day. I went from looking forward to four-o-clock like it were the end of a torture session, to enjoying the work I was doing.

I wouldn’t say that I’d rather be painting than playing cello, doing parkour, or riding Oakey – but I have come to appreciate it. And that process of coming to appreciate it was because of a mindset; I chose to learn to enjoy the work I must do.

Running to Scripture

I bet you’re thinking that this blog post is going to be about the necessity of reading and applying scripture when you face hard times. Well, sorry to disappoint, but it isn’t. It actually has to do with fitness and my iPod Shuffle.

Last week I bought an audio bible on iTunes for only $9.95! My original intention was to put it onto my iPod and listen to the Scripture at work. But last Sunday, I decided to listen to the Bible instead of music when I ran. I did this for several reasons: 1) I couldn’t wait to start listening, 2) I wouldn’t have to worry about constantly adjusting the volume, and 3) I wouldn’t have to worry about skipping through slower songs. And it worked great! I highly recommend listening to scripture when you run, work out, or do anything else you might happen to do every day.